Pagan parody songs. If Weird Al was Pagan..
Amazing Grapes
Amazing grapes, how sweet the taste
That fed a lush like me
I drank too much wine at Festival
and lost my virginity
T'was grapes that taught my friends to cringe
Through grapes, my stress relieved
Obnoxious words come out my mouth
That you would not believe
Through many vinyards east and west
I have thus come so far
The grapevine has brought me comfort sure
While driving in my car
Amazing grapes, how sweet the taste
That fed a lush like me
I drank too much wine at Wiccan Fest
and lost my virginity
How sweet the sound of popping corks
To this great lover's ear
It sooths the thirst upon my tongue
Don't drink it after beer
Most raisins shrivel in the sun
While other grapes go free
Lets give the juice to everyone
Especially to me
Amazing grapes, how sweet the taste
That fed a lush like me
I drank too much wine at Ravenwood
and lost my virginity
I drank too much wine at Winter Star
And lost my virginity
Sung to the traditional Amazing Grace
Lyrics by: Pasha, "Pasha and the Pagans" tape, ©1993.
Birthday Dirge
Happy Birthday! Uhhhn!
Happy Birthday! Uhhhn!
Worms and Germs are in the air
People dying everywhere
Happy Birthday Uhhhn!
Oh Happy Birthday Uhhhn!
Additional lyrics:
May the candles on your cake
Burn like churches in your wake
If you would with Wodin feast
Burn the church and hang the priest
Now's the time to show some balls
Or you'll stay in Hella's halls
Don't forget to honor Frey
Dring some mead and then get laid
Now that you have got this old
Flesh and bones will soon be mold
If good wishes come too late
Laugh at death accept your fate
Traditional music. Lyrics by: Patterson Evans
Rec. on the "Pasha and the Pagans" tape, ©1993.
The Chant That Never Ends
This is the chant that never ends
It just goes on and on my friends
Some Pagans started singing it
Not knowing what it was
And they continued singing it
Forever just because
This is the chant that never ends...etc.
From LambChop's Playalong ("This is the Song That Never Ends")
First sung at Ceyx's Dedication, Ottawa Temple
Elemental Bills
The rent, the phone, the hydro the water
Returns, returns, returns, returns (bis)
I pay, I pay, I pay, I pay,
I owe, I owe, I owe, I owe.(bis)
Sung to "The Earth, The Air, The Fire, The Water..
By: Some crazy pagan
Summoner's Song (exerpt)
I'm a Summoner and I'm real cute
I go to circle in a one piece suit
I got no shoes, I got no socks
I got no underwear
So my athame sticks out
At circles everywhere
I'm a Summoner and I'm OK
The High Priestess I must obey
For if I don't she'll cast a spell
And turn me into a toad
She's been doing it so often
I keep a 3 inch robe
Unpronounceable Deity Chant
Camaxtli, Canzotz, Tlaloc, Tlazolteol,
Hunapu, Itzamna, Xochipilli
Sung to "Isis Astarte"
We Won't Shave Any Longer
We have trusted no man's razors, we have nicked and cut ourselves.
We've been stung by all the aftershaves upon the drugstore shelves.
And our patience and endurance from late puberty till now
Have given us the strength to make this vow:
We won't shave any longer, our beards are stronger than before.
We won't shave any longer, our beards are stronger!
We have shaved away our stubble and have scraped away our skin.
We have cut and hacked and sliced and diced and raised an awful din.
And on every weekday morning we'd be bloody nervous wrecks
Sticking wads of toilet paper to our necks!
Now the ladies too have suffered in their armpits and their legs,
Just to wear those pantyhose that come in little plastic eggs.
But we think it's time to tell them that we Pagan men don't care
If they throw away their Zipwax and their Nair!
Through the ages many faces have arisen and have gone.
And the male ones all looked better with a beard and mustache on!
So the time has come to throw our styptic pencils on the floor,
And refuse to wreck our faces anymore!
[2 choruses]
Words by Jeff Kalmar & Isaac Bonewits, ©1990, 2001 c.e.
Music by Gwyddion Penderwen ("We Won't Wait Any Longer")
-FIAT-
This page last updated Beltane Day, 2002